


Muffin Mash

by Phantoms_Echo



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Alternate Universe - Crack, As the world should be!Azula, As the world should be!Zuko, Challege fulfilled, Chaos!Zuko, Crack, Crack Crossover, Crack Treated Seriously, Fluff and Crack, Gen, I don't think I can make this any more clear, Imperialist!Zuko, Kind of Seriously, Little Scaled Salvage!Zuko, Mild Language, MuffinLance made a joke, Non-binary Zuko, Not Really Seriously, Spirit-slash-Herbalist!Zuko, SunnySideUp!Ocean Spirit, This Author does not understand comedy, Towards the Sun!Azula, Towards the Sun!Zuko, i tried my best guys
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-22
Updated: 2020-07-22
Packaged: 2021-03-04 23:41:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,577
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25444858
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Phantoms_Echo/pseuds/Phantoms_Echo
Summary: MuffinLance, after giving a short summary of how all her works could feasibly be combined: Be the fanfic of a fanfic you want to see in the world.Me: Challenge Accepted.OR:I attempt to combine all of MuffinLance's AUs together into something relatively coherent and probably failed, but I had lots of fun doing it.
Relationships: Azula & Zuko (Avatar)
Comments: 32
Kudos: 323





	Muffin Mash

**Author's Note:**

  * For [MuffinLance](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MuffinLance/gifts).



> Disclaimer: I don't own Avatar the Last Airbender or any of its characters. This fic is an attempt to combine all of MuffinLance's works, so the individual AUs are not mine.
> 
> I know I'm missing a good representation of A Dark Night at Ba Sing Se, the Kindling AU, and Cheating at Pai Sho, but please let me know if there are any other notable AUs I have left out. If there is enough interest, I may add more chapters.
> 
> Also, apparently I can only choose one fic as inspiration for this one? So I'm just going to set this as a Gift Fic and hope that covers the credits to MuffinLance for her awesome AUs.
> 
> If not: Credits to MuffinLance. Go read her stuff.

When Azula woke up, it was not to the gentle breeze of the war balloon, but to the dark quarters of a Fire Nation ship. She remembered how the salty air of the sea penetrated the cast iron hold of the tankers and sunk through her skin to her bones. She knew, in an instant, that they had been captured.

Whoever had captured them had obviously done a poor job. She wasn’t drugged, she wasn’t even _restrained_. Someone had severely underestimated her and they would pay dearly for that. Before she exacted her revenge though…

_I need to find Zuzu_. She turned her head, ever so slightly, ever so naturally, and carefully squinted her eyes so she could take note of her surroundings without being noticed. _I need to get him out of here before—!_

There, on the ground beside her bed, back to her, was Zuko.

He was dressed in the Fire Nation’s finest silk, hair pulled back in a high phoenix plume. There was a glass bowl of some sort on his lap with a black koi fish that swam around and around at a languid pace. It only paused to nibble at his fingers which, Azula realized, had a half-eaten tea cake clutched in his palm. Apparently the fish had been feasting for a while.

The rest of the room was bare of guards and Zuko was obviously not a prisoner. It made no sense to keep the ex-Fire Lord, sort-of-Crown Prince in the same cell as a prisoner either, so Azula mentally upgraded her status from _wholly underestimated_ to _potentially being shown the respect she deserved._

However, that still left one question.

“Zuzu,” Azula said quietly, voice calm and, for all intents and purposes, nonchalant. “Why are we in the room of a Fire Nation Battleship?”

Zuko perked up from where he had been focused on the fish bowl. His unscarred eye looked over his shoulder at her. “Lala! You’re awake!”

Despite the enthusiastic greeting, something about him was… _off_. It made her frown in suspicion.

“So I am,” she said slowly. Deeming that they weren’t in immediate danger, she pushed herself into a sitting position. “But that doesn’t answer my question, now does it? Where’s the War Balloon?”

“I got tired of it,” Zuko said, turning a majority of his attention back on the koi fish. He let it eat from his palm for a few more seconds before he let the tea cake go. The fish snapped it up whole.

“Tired of it?” Azula wrinkled her nose. “And you didn’t think to land somewhere we _wouldn’t_ get captured the moment we touched down?”

“We didn’t get captured.” He sat the bowl down and turned towards her. In a flash of recognition, Azula realized just what had been _off_ about her brother. He wasn’t her brother… or he was but he was _younger_. “This is your ship. Technically, _every_ ship is your ship. You’re the Fire Lord.”

_“What?!_ ” But at his words, she knew it to be true.

Memories flooded in, of being born first, of her mother’s dying wish (— _the one thing Mother thought her capable of_ —), of protecting _stupid idiot precious_ Zuko from their Father’s ire, of committing the ultimate treason in order to negotiate her brother’s ransom back from those Water Tribe barbarians.

The Fire Lord’s Crown sat on her bedside table, as further proof of the reality she found herself in.

“But…” she frowned and turned her eyes onto Zuko (— _whole, unscarred, was this what he would have looked like?_ —). “How…?”

“We can go back if you want.” Zuko shrugged and crossed his legs. “I just thought this would be a nice change of pace, you know? You being the older sibling, always destined for the throne. Me being the younger, adorable sibling that you dote on and don’t actually want to kill every now and then.”

“Only when you are particularly stupid,” Azula protested. “Like getting caught by that Water Tribe ship.”

“I mean, if I wasn’t caught, I probably would have drowned or froze to death.” Zuko pointed out. “Plus they were really nice. They taught me how to make nets and make friends with the birds. Even _Mai_ didn’t want to stab anyone.”

Azula pointedly did not think of the Captain of that ship, that drove a hard bargain for Zuko’s release, on the argument of _I am losing a son here, the least you can give me are my captured men back._

How in the world Zuko ended up on the only ship full of people that would sooner adopt him than kill him, Azula would never know, but she wasn’t going to question it.

“So when do we go back to the War Balloon?” Azula asked.

Zuko gave a shrug. “Whenever you want. It’s not going anywhere.”

“There’s no… time limit we need to watch for?” Azula asked. “No rules or limitations?”

“Only the limitations of being Fire Lord at 16.” Zuko paused. “Oh, and here, the war’s not over yet.”

At that Azula raised an eyebrow. “I thought you _wanted_ the war over. Isn’t that what you preached before?”

“Well, _yeah_ , but I don’t want to deal with the aftermath.” Zuko looked inexplicably sad and exhausted. “If the war is still going on, you and I don’t have to worry about making things right.”

Azula wondered just how much she had missed, when she let Zuko play at being Fire Lord before they took their Balloon trip. It wouldn’t do to have dragons fall victim to rabbit-mice. After all, even mighty beasts needed a place to rest their wings and rabbit-mice were everywhere.

She ran a hand through her ( _long, straight, perfectly even)_ hair and let out a sigh. “So I suppose we should be tracking down the Avatar, is that it?”

“I’d rather we didn’t.” Zuko winced. “Aang’s actually pretty nice. He’s a pacifist who doesn’t want a war in the first place. I’m sure if we talk to him, he’d be all for peaceful negotiations.”

Azula gave Zuko a narrow-eyed stare.

“Plus, he knows all the good places to ride animals and basically has Political Immunity from everywhere but the Fire Nation,” Zuko said. “If I travel with him, I can ride a Giant Koi Fish. I _have_ to ride the Giant Koi Fish.”

“Ha! You never change.” Azula snickered to herself. “I guess that’s fine then. Where is he anyway?”

“Right now?” Zuko looked thoughtful. “Probably at the North Pole, learning Waterbending from Mistress Pakku.”

Azula backtracked the dates in her head. “Is this before the Seige of the North?”

“Technically, yes?” Zuko looked over his shoulder at a knock on the door. “There is no Seige of the North.”

“Oh?” Azula frowned. “And why is that?”

“Come in!” Zuko called to the door. There was a pause before the handle twisted and the metal door pushed forward.

Admiral Zhao released the handle, but resolutely did not step inside. He looked _exactly_ the same as Azula remembered, watching him board his battleship headed North (— _out to waters she couldn’t follow, tracing an albatross pigeon to a small ship of savages where her brother—)._ Weirdly enough, he was clean-shaven—like, _all of it_. She had never wondered what he looked like bald, but she had an answer anyway.

“We are making good head-way towards the Capital, Your Highness,” Zhao reported. “Our navigator reports that we should make port within the next two days.”

Azula narrowed her eyes, because the last thing _she_ remembered was that Zhao had made an unsuccessful attempt on (— _her brother’s life—_ ) the Moon Spirit and currently rested at the bottom of the ocean, as was the Water Tribe’s MO. “What is _he_ doing here?”

“Zhao was very grateful that you decided to spare his life after he reported back to you of my current whereabouts instead of Father. He has sworn his loyalty to the new Fire Lord and Royal Line and taken a blood oath to die, should he ever go back on his word,” Zuko said, a teasing lilt to his voice. “Isn’t that right, Sir Poopy-face?”

“That is correct, Prince Zuko,” Zhao replied dutifully.

“I’m sorry.” Zuko glared. “What was that?”

Zhao suddenly paled and started sweating bullets. “A-Apologies. That is correct, Kind Leige Zuko, Loyal General of the Fire Nation, Master Firebender and Friend to animals and spirits everywhere, Better than me in Every Way.”

“That’s what I thought.” Zuko smiled brightly “You are dismissed.”

Zhao bowed lowly, as a peasant to the king and scrambled to close the door behind him. If Azula didn’t know better, she would say Zhao was _afraid_ of Zuko.

Azula frowned. “Is this another one of my hallucinations?”

Zuko looked up from where he was stroking the head of a turtleduck in his lap. Wait, when did he…? “No. This is all very much real.”

“Then what explanation do you have for Zhao over there.” Azula pointed to the door. “In both of my memories, that man was dead.”

“Oh, that’s because I’m the Avatar of Chaos,” Zuko said with absolute seriousness.

“You are… the Avatar,” Azula repeated, dubious.

“Of _Chaos_ ,” Zuko added pointedly. “It’s like the Avatar of Balance—that’s Aang, the Airbender—but I don’t try to put the world into balance.”

“What do you try to do?” Azula asked, perplexed.

“Uh, have fun, I guess?” Zuko gave a shrug. “There’s no real manual for this thing because that would be, you know, _rules_.”

“I see.” Azula paused to think. “So you created this world?”

“I can’t _create_ anything.” Zuko shook his head. “Nothing but fire anyway. But I _can_ mash a whole bunch of other things together. Makes a bunch of chaos if I do, which is, you know, my _job_. I’d say I’m doing pretty good so far.”

“Hmm… you know, a lot of things are making so much sense right now,” Azula muttered to herself.

“Are you thinking about the turtleduck?” Zuko pointed to his lap, then jabbed a thumb over to the black koi fish swimming round and round in its bowl. “Or the Ocean-Spirit-turned-mortal-now-named-Sunny-Side-Up?”

“Actually, I was thinking about the voice I’ve been hearing narrate everything.” Azula looked towards the ceiling and scowled at the voice the repeated her recent actions. “It’s weird that there’s a disembodied voice in the first place, but it sounds like a _cat_ and I can _understand it_.”

“That’s Miyuki,” Zuko said. “She adopted me at some point.”

“Who _doesn’t_ adopt you, Zuko?” Azula rolled her eyes.

“Honestly? No one yet. Even ancient primordial _Spirits_ have decided I’m prime adoption material. Although, there are some that I wish didn’t.” Zuko face suddenly went pale. “Speaking of which, there’s this woman in a small town named Hama? We really need to bring her in for questioning.”

“Any particular reason?”

“She’s a blood bender and she tortured me for a few years.”

“… Fine. I’ll send out Zhao.” Azula smiled a Cheshire grin. “And then I’ll send out someone _else_ to bring her in.”

“Good.” Zuko nodded, then stood. “Well, if I want to find the Avatar, I should probably go soon.”

“Right now?” Azula raised an eyebrow. “We’re two days from port. And I’m not sending you out on some small raft to make your way to the North Pole.”

“You don’t have to.” Zuko dusted off the feathers that clung to his pants. “I can just fly.”

“ _Fly_?”

“I can turn into a dragon.”

Azula wanted to protest, but _Avatar of Chaos_. “… Can I do that?”

“I don’t see why not.”

“Excellent.” Azula smiled as a warm beast purred in her chest. “Fine, but you still need to land in order to eat, right?”

“Not really. Flying as a dragon above the cloud layer is good enough for me. There’s lots of sunlight and I have plenty of surface area to soak it in.”

It took a second for Azula to realize what he meant. “Of course. A _Fire Lily_. Why not. Next thing you’re going to tell me is that you don’t want to be a Prince anymore, but a—!”

“I don’t,” Zuko confirmed. “Want to be a Prince, that is.”

Azula pursed her lips and thought carefully. “You… don’t want to be part of the royal family?”

“Oh, no, I still want to be your sibling. And a Fire Nation royal. I worked too hard to give that up again.” Zuko quickly waved his hands in denial. “I just don’t want to be a Prince.”

Okay, Azula wasn’t _dumb_ , but Zuko really wasn’t being clear here. “… Do you want to be a Princess instead?”

“Eh…” Zuko made a face. “I really don’t want to be one or the other.”

“You don’t want to be a Prince or a Princess, but you still want to be part of the Royal family,” Azula repeated the facts to confirm. Zuko nodded. “Then what am I supposed to call you?”

“Zuko. Or Zuzu because it’s you.”

“I meant as a _title,_ Dumb-dumb.”

“Oh, uh… Spirit?” Zuko wrinkled their nose then grinned. “Yeah! Like the Blue Spirit! That’d be cool.”

“Ugh, you and your plays.” Azula rolled her eyes but silently amended their pronouns in her head. “Okay, fine, done. Anything _else_ you want to add?”

Zuko hummed. “No, I think that’s it.”

“So, you want to retrieve the Avatar and bring him back to the Caldera for peace negotiations, is that right?”

“Right!”

“And?”

“And I won’t get kidnapped again by strangers who will try to kill me or ransom me back.”

“And?”

“And I will send a fire hawk if the Avatar and I make a detour to see some really cool animals.”

“And?”

“And I’ll try not to burn myself with my own fire.”

That one had Azula raising some eyebrows, but hey, Avatar of Chaos, anything was possible. “And?”

“And I won’t bring home any animals without your approval first.”

“ _And_?” Because this was Zuko, there was always more.

Zuko paused at that, face scrunched up, trying to remember the last thing. “And… I want to grow my hair out? And have my fake-fiancé and adopted-sister-slash-aunt-slash-mom put it into fancy up-dos so I can mess with the Northern Water Tribe Warriors and their view of gender norms?”

Well, it wasn’t what Azula was expecting, but she wasn’t going to say ‘no’. “Fuck the patriarchy?”

“Fuck the patriarchy!” Zuko repeated with a broad grin.

Azula couldn’t help an answering grin. “Then go. You have my blessing. Just don’t take too long or I’ll have to track you down again.”

Zuko let out a _whoop_ , then turned and skipped to the door. They waved at the doorway, then raced down the hall. Their salutations echoed behind them. “Thanks Lala! Have fun being Fire Lord! And not insane!”

Azula let out a laugh, because really? What about this world was _sane_? People turning into actual dragons, the Ocean Spirit kept inside of a glass bowl, the Fire Lord _dead_ by her hand, a Zuko who actually loved and _trusted_ her after all the terrible things she had done—none of this sounded _sane_.

Then again…

If insanity was living in a world where her sibling and her never fought, where she had killed her father in order to bring her dearest one home, where her little sibling was the Avatar of Chaos and had turned the world on its head so that they could _have a change of pace_ , well…

Who would want to be sane anyway?

**Author's Note:**

> I now await my judgement.


End file.
